Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I'm Back! (and) Am I a Jealous Lover? Discuss!

O! Hai thar!

I bet you thought I had left this blog to rot in its... not... being... uhm... posted in...ness.


BUT ALAS! You were fooled by my mere busy-ness with other aspects of life and blogging! To begin with, I've finally gotten Fun and FlirTea off the ground and begun posting there. This is where much of my writing time has disappeared to, so my personal blog has indeed fallen by the wayside for a brief time. Never fear, kind friends and readers! I am back and do intend to post with at least semi-regularity once more.

Other than the release of my tea blog, I have been quite busy in life and work as well! I've been spending more time with friends, going out dancing, attending an occasional concert, doing yoga more regularly, and... oh yeah. GETTING PROMOTED AT WORK! Success indeed!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here before or not, but I've been trying to get back into copywriting for quite a while and, after years of hard work and doing what I can in my company to get there... and suddenly I am! It took plenty of time and work, but I am the newest Copywriter (and Social Media Clerk) at Yay!

Naturally, to celebrate my new position, my body chose my first full week in the job to get stupidly sick with a gnarly cold! Fortunately, I am getting over it now, but I still have a dry throat and slight cough.

But enough of the updates! Part of what brought me back to this blog at this time is something I've been thinking about lately. Not long ago, I finally was able to establish a friendship with an old ex-boyfriend I had very little contact with over the past 3 years since our relationship ended. And this friendship is a real one, where we are comfortable around each other and can even make jokes about the years we were dating.

Good times in Scotland with one now-ex!
Even though I was the one to finalize the end of the relationship and have never thought twice about that, recently meeting his new (unofficial) girlfriend and spending time with her (she's totally awesome, by the way), I was shocked by some turbulent feelings of jealousy toward her, him, and their developing relationship.

I've also been watching my more recent ex-boyfriend interacting with people and, in particular, some of the girls around the office. Again, despite the fact that I was the one to end that relationship and know it was for the best, I find myself encountering some feelings of jealousy towards some of these girls.

It's completely irrational, I know. And to be perfectly frank, I"m not even sure that "jealous" is the right word to describe these feelings, but it's the closest I've managed to get. I don't have any desire to be with either of these men, so why should I have these feelings toward them and the situation?

I think part of it is that is isn't exactly jealousy of them I'm feeling. I think I'm feeling more of a jealousy toward the actual relationship, real or imagined.

Enjoying a hike in Upper Park with another!
As I was driving home today, I thought about these feelings and came up with a theory. The reason feelings of jealousy are elicited by the relationships of these men is because I still feel towards them much as I did when we were dating. However, in each case like this, part of why the relationships ended was because I realized that the feelings I had were not love in the way that it would need to be for a life-long relationship. I have never been in love, so the way I cared for my now-exes has not changed, but simply been recognized and categorized for what it is.

I believe that the day I feel real, true love, I will cease to feel any form of jealousy toward my exes or their current partners.

So am I a jealous lover? I don't think so... because I have yet to love in that way. I guess I'll find out for real when I meet someone who elicits such emotion from me.


  1. Hey,
    Feelings about past relationships are really strange. I remember when I broke up with my ex-partner after a struggling relationship. After a long period without news, we had reconnected as mere friends and even done some stuff together (movie, museum, etc...). But then she had met someone else who she fancied and asked me tips how to please which I provided the best I could. After a while I didn't hear anything again. Which left me with a feeling not of jealousy, but more of emptiness, not knowing how it went and what happened to her. I like to think I just wanted to know if she was happy, so I could more easily move on.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Oli! That's a great story and example for this. I understand completely what you mean about wanting to know so you can more easily move forward. It's hard enough to move on after a relationship, so sometimes you just want that extra little bit to make it easier.

  2. I don't think that feeling jealousy makes you an inherently jealous person (or lover); I've felt things like what you're describing, and intensely, but they faded with time. It's a natural emotional response. Congratulations, you're human! Haha.

    1. First, for some reason your comment posted 3 times, so I cleaned that up. And thanks! Haha, it's hard sometimes to know how to take my own feelings. Like I know a lot of people who are all about the fact that they're just not jealous people in relationships or the WANT someone who isn't jealous like that, so it makes me feel like maybe there's something wrong with me. But no! I have to get over that and realize that it's natural. Like you said... I'm human! :D

    2. Multi-posting probably has to do with me posting from my phone; in any case, there's a big difference between being jealous *in* relationships, and being jealous *of* relationships.

      Everyone wants to be happy - that's what the jealousy of others' relationships can grow from. But when you find love, then you're so immersed in that person's happiness, and it is so entwined with your own, that there's no room for that kind of negative feeling.

    3. I love that, Chaz. I think that's exactly right. Everyone wants to be happy, myself not least of all, so it's only natural that I am feeling jealous of the happiness in others.

      While I'm loving the way I'm living my life and feel like I'm in exactly the place I need to be (including regarding relationships), it's a kind of happiness that I still crave. Especially since I haven't felt it yet.